feelling the loss…..

The circle of life.
What a sad, sad sentence, at least to me and at least now days.
We all know it, but we try to fight it every day. I am talking about our parents and the fact that they are not so young anymore and sooner, I prefer later, the time will come when we will have to say “good-bye”.
16 years ago I did not have that chance, my dad had a heart attack and died instantly, while talking to my mom.
It took us about year to recover, we could not comprehend what happened and why. Our feelings had gone from loving and missing him to hating him for leaving us this way. He was only 62…….
Since then there were few more losses in my family and in my friends families, but I need to talk about my very good old friends mom, who is slowly and painfully loosing her fight with cancer.
She was diagnosed 2 years ago and the process of unstoppable treatment had begun. G-d Bless America, because my understanding is that for example in England if you over certain age they just let you die without even trying to help you.
She was 70 at the time and needed emergency surgery. Without a question she was admitted and the most complicated spine surgery was performed on her. After a quick (about 4 weeks) recovery she was able to fly to Miami to attend her son’s wedding. Things were looking up, but not for long….
There were some good days, there were some bad days, but mostly bad. My girlfriend had lost her job during this time and was able to concentrate fully on her mom and that was the most horrible time she went through. On one hand she was able to spent more time with her, ( inside her heart she knew that there is nothing can be done and she is just sitting there at the hospital rooms feeling absolutely helpless, trying to make up lies to make her mom feel better) and on the other hand she had no job, where she could  at least get away from this nightmare.
She is very persistent that girlfriend of mine, and when no one was able to find any jobs in Michigan, she found it. I have to admit that even I had a little doubt about her finding an employment here. Well I was wrong!!! She is working now for almost a year and she is  very, very successful at what she does.
If only her mom can feel better now, but unfortunately there were no more miracles left and the doctors finally said that they have done everything they possibly could and now the family needs to make the “decision”.  I can’t imaging to be put in this position, it’s so not fair!!!!!

How do you let someone go, if this someone is your mother? She is not on life support, her brain is functioning, she is waiting every day for someone to come and be with her, how do you make the “decision” and then live with this for the rest of you life? Why does it have to be this way? Yes I know we all have to lose our parents, it’s the circle of life. The pain is already there knowing that somebody who loved you unconditionally is gone forever.  Why do we also need to bear another pain, the pain of thinking that maybe there is something else could be done, and no I will not be responsible for the death of my parent.….. Does anyone have an answer?
was looking at my mother another day and  couldn’t help but to be overwhelmed by her timeless natural beauty and knowing what my friend is going through I want selfishly hold on to my mom forever……


About Ariana

I came to USA about 20 years from former USSR. I am an American Citizen with a heavy Russian Accent. My two boys always make fun of my English. I love to write, I usually do it for me, but if you would like to stop and leave a comment it would be great! I ‘d love to share with you my American World with the hint of my Russian Personality.
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