It’s not a housewife – it’s a house manager.

Disclaimer: This is post part true/ part fiction/ like any other of my posts this one is not PG rated. 

First, let me begin by saying, I am a lucky, lucky girl. I was blessed to find a good job right after we came here and I was lucky enough to hold down to it for over 20 years. I have met wonderful people over the course of my “career”, have visited amazing places and somehow managed to raised two sons (with the help of my hubby and our parents) and I am exhausted…….. …… without any hesitations I suggested that from now on I would like to work 4 days a week instead of 5. My 12 year-old needs my attention more and more and I simply just need a break. After convincing my boss, I got my Fridays off….YEY!!! With that being said, I decided to take a scientific approach to my extra day off, because I love to learn new things. Nowadays the best teacher is Google, and according to Google, a housewife – after all I will be a housewife even if only for one day – is ” a married woman who is not employed outside the home, ” and then I found this addition to it: whatever the reason, if you have chosen to be a housewife, here are some suggestions to help you flourish in this role: 

  1.  Maintain a great appearance
  2.  Learn how to cook
  3.  Be mindful and considerate of your spouse’s needs
  4.  Listen to him
  5.  Improve your skills in the bedroom
  6.  Find a balance in arguments, avoiding them if possible
  7.  Love your spouse for who he is
  8.  A good housewife always knows her place.

Did you read all the rules? Well, you better do it once or twice, because I am about to give you a run-down of my first Friday as a housewife,  a house manager. 

5:20 a.m.- I can’t sleep, it’s okay, when everyone will be gone I will go back to my bed and catch up on my sleep. In the meantime, I am thinking that I should get up and make myself pretty for my husband (see step #1)? No, I will make sure I’ll look presentable when he comes back from work.

7:15 a.m. – I am up and getting breakfast for my precious child, it’s now 7:40 and the school bus is about to leave without Max. It’s okay, I say to myself – I am a stay at home mom today I will drive him to school. This was the only day when Max was late to school.

8:15 a.m. – I am back in my house fully awake and the idea of going back to bed is not even real now, so I am hitting for my bathroom, I will make it sparkle and it will take me about 30 minutes, then this day will be about me….

12:00 p.m. – I now finally done with the cleaning my bathroom (it’s amazing how my cleaning lady cleans my whole house in 3 hours, when I can’t even clean my bathroom in the same time).

12:30 p.m. My husband decided to check on me:

Him: What you are doing honey – resting?

Me: (shouting) Are you out of you mind? I went in to our bathroom and now 3 hours later I am still there and let me tell you something, our shower is leaking, our shelves our breaking, our toilet is making strange noises, you need to pay ……

Him: I’ve got go I have a meeting to attend to, have a nice day, click.

Me to myself: I want to attend a meeting too….

2:00 p.m.  – I am finally ready to go to the grocery store to make sure my husband and my child have a fresh home-cooked meal after a long and hard day at school and work.

People, have you seen Costco in the middle of the day?! Does anyone work?! The parking lot was packed, the store was full of people. What was I thinking? My plan was to get in and to get out – two hours later and $250.00 short, exhausted, I am speeding home to get there before the school bus drops Max off and what do you know – I am late! 

4:30 p.m. – I am starting on my dinner and around 6:00 p.m. it’s ready, when my husband calls me to let me know that he is going to go bowling with his buddies and will be home around 8:00 p.m. At 9:30 p.m. when he walked in the house rules number 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 were out the window. I did not want to listen to him, I could not find a balance in my argument and I was not going to avoid them – it was not possible! I wasn’t going to be considerate to his needs – what about my needs?! Oh yea, about my appearance and improving my skills in bed – forget about it!!!

Stop!!!! It was just one Friday off – I tell myself. Next Monday I will go back to work and everything will be back to normal again! Oh my God, did I fail the test of being a house wife for a day? Naaaaaaaaaaa, those rules are wrong, they were written back the 50s – so last century. 

If you still reading this post I thank you!

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About Ariana

I came to USA about 20 years from former USSR. I am an American Citizen with a heavy Russian Accent. My two boys always make fun of my English. I love to write, I usually do it for me, but if you would like to stop and leave a comment it would be great! I ‘d love to share with you my American World with the hint of my Russian Personality.
This entry was posted in humor, Ramblings, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to It’s not a housewife – it’s a house manager.

  1. I love the last picture! And your writing! Great post!

  2. Shary Hover says:

    What a day! I think you should keep the housekeeping service and spend your morning reading a book. 🙂

  3. totsymae1011 says:

    What a day you had there, Ariana. A funny post though. I could see you running about, trying to maintain this awkward schedule and pretty much, wreaking havoc on your life. Good thing it’s only one day. 🙂

  4. This is so funny Rada! I have it almost every day, plus I have to fit my Real Estate business in my day somehow:)) in between being a good housewife (house keeper)

  5. Jen says:

    Very clever! But I’m not really loving the text book/ Google 50’s house wife gig, who in the world could be that perfect?

  6. Leah says:

    This is so funny! And it never ceases to amaze me about how crowded Costco is during the week. Apparently nobody else works either.

  7. Lena says:

    OHMYGOSH!!! You crack me up, Ariana. This is hilarious and sounds so much like something that would happen to me:)))
    Love reading your blog!
    Lena

  8. Ellie says:

    I work three days a week. I have no cleaner but i do have a hubby, a three yr old boy and and 18mth old girl.

    This week I am congratulating myself. I have managed to cook two meals. A chicken stew that went in the slow cooker at 6.30am on a work day, and a sausage casserole that i dished up at 12pm to the kids today.

    The house is reasonable if you overlook the hazardous WC and the tent set up in the middle of the lounge. Overall I think it has been a successful week!

  9. Why do you think women in those days turned to “mother’s little helper’?
    “Men just aren’t the same today”
    I hear ev’ry mother say
    They just don’t appreciate that you get tired
    They’re so hard to satisfy, You can tranquilize your mind
    So go running for the shelter of a mother’s little helper”
    -Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
    I hope this Friday went better!

  10. Pingback: If Money Didn’t Matter, What Jobs Would I Do « Ruled Paper

  11. Phil says:

    So… I’m guessing now would not be a good time to ask you to fix me a little snack and get me a drink.

    That was an absolutely hilarious account of your day off! 🙂

  12. Olga 0207 says:

    Enjoyed the post, Ariana! The situation is SO familiar to me. I have been facing the same challenges since I became a mother. It is much more difficult to get organized at home than at work. 😉

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