How many of us during our school years used this excuse – I am sorry, but my dog ate my homework. I did not have a dog growing up, but I had an older brother – it was always his fault if I failed to do something for school and he used me as an excuse all the time too – so no hurt feelings there – that’s what siblings are for. When my brother left for the Soviet army – it became harder for me to use his name, I had to be more creative, but my creativity was nothing compared to what I heard during my working years.
Here are some actual excuses grown ups – not kids come up with when they are running late for work, or decided not to show up at all:
1. I have a skunk in my garage and I will wait for it to go away, because I am afraid it will SPRAY ME.
The first thing we asked when she walked in to work about an hour later – what’s that smell?
2. I had a no – panties kind of weekend, and I am not sure I want to put any panties back on.
We were all speechless, when she finally decided to show up.
3. Jonnie why you did not come to work yesterday ? What do you mean why – it was Columbus day – the post office was closed too. Our shop does not close for Columbus day and so is the rest of the Nation. Well, I am not sure about the rest of the Nation but I expect to be paid for this day….
4. I am sorry I am not able to get out of my bed today due to heavy drinking during my past weekend and the only way I can cure my health is to drink more today, so hopefully you will see me on Tuesday or Wednesday.
5. Once, a guy decided to go for a walk during his lunch time – he never came back, in fact he came back 2 years later to claim the jacket he left behind. It turns out that he had 2 families – one here and one in the Caribbean. He felt home sick and decided to visit his Caribbean family, the only problem was he forgot to tell his employer or his family in the US….
And my favorite one:
My dog ate my car keys.